Who Shot That Arrow In Your Throat, Who Missed the Crimson Apple?...

After I got out of my fifth day of GTA training yesterday, I had hit the end of my rope and fallen off with my tolerance of the 15 other people I'd spent about 40 hours with nonstop. So, I did what any normal girl would do. I hopped in my car and I went and got myself lost on country roads. No, really, I went and got lost. And it was everthing I thought it could be and more. Apparently, nothing soothes the soul like fresh air, blue skies, mile after mile of grass, fields, trees, and farms, dirt roads, and the power of a car. Freedom. That inner "cowboy" so to speak. Leaving it all behind and just going. So, I put 70-80 miles on my car. And I felt amazing afterwards. My frustrations got left in the dust that trailed my car. One of the more expensive ways to deal with issues now, but well worth it. However, this 'driving therapy' can only be done so often, because of said expensiveness. So, today, after my sixth day of GTA training, and the final student activity was done, it left me with a general uneasiness and a sickness.

So, let me explain why this activity left a bad taste in my mouth. This whole week, we've had a crash course of getting to know complete strangers and opening up on a lot of stuff. We've done a lot of disclosing in 6 days which usually takes at LEAST a few months to work up to. Nope, not this week. Between the ice breakers and artificat speeches we've had to give that describe us, a lot is coming out quite quickly. This leaves one more vulnerable and uneasy than normally. So, things have been intense to say the least. And let me mention, one of the things that has been hard for me is how liberal everyone here is. Not saying I'm a raging conservative, because I'm not, however, I'm definately not a liberal. And it seems everyone here has very outspoken politcal views, which is fine, but when that is the majority of what they talk about and then get in fights about the extreme lefts and rights... well, it makes things tense.

So back to the activity. Todd's newly created activity. Six signs posted on the wall.

Illegal. Illegal, but acceptable. Not a Good Idea. Acceptable. Brilliant. Legal.

A scenario is read and you go and stand under the sign which you agree with most. Then you and your group come up with an attention getter, thesis statement, and your main points of contention. You get 3 minutes to do so. A great activity to teach students how to quickly put together the main objectives for a persuasive speech. Except that we're not students, and Todd apparently likes to push the envelope and make people disclose a LOT of information on touchy subjects that divides people and their ideals.

Question one: You're driving in an area of high crime late at night, is it alright to disobey traffic signs and signals?

Question two: Is it okay to buy a garment, wear it for a day, and then take it back to the store?

Question three: Spanking your child.

Also, it should be noted that you weren't allowed to explain your main points, and that you had to collaboratively come up with your main points. So, no one got to explain anything personally, there was no inbetween for answers when there were so many shades of grey, and after already disclosing to everyone so much this week already, I think this was just the icing on the cake. Normally, I don't think any of these issues would have upset me so much, but they did today. Exhuastion has set in. Physically, mentally, and socially. I hate that we only have one day off before we have to do it all again. Its getting old really quickly. And I feel more and more isolated from these people I have to spend the year with, with each passing day.

I'm tired. I'm lonely. I'm drained. I'm disappointed. And I have a feeling teaching isn't going to be as fulfilling and exciting as I was expecting it to be. This week has broken me. And that in and of itself, after this summer, is disheartening.

...And There Is Dischord In The Garden Tonight.