I feel that I should clarify the quote from my previous post. Since it obviously leaves some confusion to outsiders. The television drama that I referenced before that parallels a lot with yours truely had that quote in it, and like with most of this particular show, I felt very connected with it. However, it needs to be put in context.
Main character's mother has advanced early onset alzheimer's. She's in the hospital for something and they find a mass on her pancreas. Most likely pancreatic cancer. Said daughter hopes that its cancer.
Alex: Pancreatic cancer is quick. Its painful, but its quick. And they give you morphine for the pain.
Meredith: What kind of daughter wishes her mother has cancer?
Alex: They don't give you morphine for alzheimer's.
I hope that clears things up a bit. And now the explanation for the association to myself.
I felt that I had come to accept that my own mother would be getting alzheimer's with an onset probably within the next 10 years. Apparently I was a fool for thinking that I knew that. After I finally pulled the veil off of my own eyes and saw where I was at with my mother yesterday... well, lets just say I spent the last 30 minutes in the shower crying. I don't really like that I'm 22 and am having to deal with this. I've already dealt with it 3 times, and frankly, the thought of my mother becoming an empty shell scares the shit out of me. To a debilitating point. To the point where while I was crying in the shower I was scratching my skin off. I have scratch marks all over my body now. Thats how bad this is going to fuck me up... more than I already am. So, on that cheery note.
...Don't Matter If It's Rain Or Shine, I Feel Like My Heart Was Broken At Least A Million Times.
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